he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
