I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
