Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Randomize