on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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