when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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