You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
