Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
