the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
