Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
