That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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