hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
