I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
