my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
