Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
