I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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