Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
