They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
