it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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