just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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