everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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