batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
