Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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