I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
