Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
