We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
