Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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