I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
