I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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