I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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