physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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