She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
