OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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