Farmville is her only friend.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
