omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
