my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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