You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
