There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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