You smell like a Billy Joel song
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
