I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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