I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
