he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
