my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i think we sleep fucked last night...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
