Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
