when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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