umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
