Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
