you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Randomize
