ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
