three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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