If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
