so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
