His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
