I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
