Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
