Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
