he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
