So drunk its hurt
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
